Does your emotional state of mind affect your art?
This is a question which I answered recently and I said a big, fat YES to it.
My beautiful, gentle mum died in early April this year having been unwell since December.
Watching her health get worse, and then having to witness her so very poorly for the last few months of her life was distressing for her, the carers and my sister and I.
My time and energy has been on my mum for the last 12 months, and so artwork has taken a back seat. I tried to dabble with some paints earlier in the year but I couldn’t focus or concentrate on them, and I felt creatively blocked if I’m honest.
Both my parents had come from very poor families and left school at 14 years old to help their respective families who desperately needed money.
That strong work ethic was passed down to my brother, sister and I and so when I can’t paint and “create something saleable” I feel guilty and useless.
We artists know that the pressure to produce on demand is the killer of all creativity, and yet we still do it!
However, this time it was different for me and I knew that I needed to give myself space and time away from my studio
So, at odd little moments, when I had the energy, I picked up materials that I knew I could use well, and did tiny sketches of Scruffy lying next to me on the bed.
I had a charcoal pencil and some brush pens that I’d filled with different tones and types of black in. Some were waterproof inks of various shades, some pure, black indian ink, another had quink ink in it.
Dabbing them onto my sketchbook and using water to let the various inks run together was out of my control and so I had to go with the flow and just let it happen.
It sounds so trite but giving myself permission to do nothing, to read a crappy novel when I felt like it and to “just be me” was the best way I found of navigating those very difficult months.
Once Mum’s funeral is done and dusted later this month, and she’s been given the send off she deserves, I know my mojo for painting will come back. My Oxfordshire Artweeks (Open Studios) is happening in early May and I’ve decided to have a painting on the go which I’ll dabble with during the exhibition.
My mum visited every single Artweeks exhibition I’ve ever been involved with and was always so encouraging of my second career.
I’ll be raising a few paintbrushes in her beautiful memory, that’s for sure!
Come and visit me at Artweek!
See the flyer below for details
